Grief Journal: New Kinds of Firsts

First cry. First smile. First tooth. First time crawling, walking, running, eating solid food, saying “Mama” and “Poppa.” First day at school. First report card. First Christmas, Halloween, Easter. First time in a swimming pool. First book read by himself. First air plane ride. So many firsts when you have a child. Even if he’s not your first child, you celebrate each one because it’s the first time he did it, and every child is unique. 

Now we have different firsts. First time we ever picked out an outfit for our son to wear in his casket. First time we saw him lying there. First time we picked up his ashes from the funeral home. First time we had to decide how best to honor his memory.

First day of school pictures with two kids instead of three. First parent/teacher meetings for only two kids.

First Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. 

The worst part is that they won’t be the last. It’s the first of the rest of our lives, without him.